Say what you mean, mean what you say

"The great enemy of clear language is insincerity."
--George Orwell

Mistakes will be made

"It's really easy to be kind to others when I remember that none of us came into this world with a manual about how to get it all right."

--Jill Bolte Taylor, PhD
My Stroke of Insight

Is honesty the best policy?

Yesterday several people in a workshop introduced themselves as honest or candid. As the workshop progressed, however, I realized a flaw in their use of honesty. They seemed to say whatever was on the top of their minds at any given moment, regardless of whether their comment was applicable and with no thought as to how their tone affects their meaning.

Something should be said now if it passes all three of these tests:

1) it is true (honest) to the best of your knowledge
2) it is useful
3) the person(s) who needs to hear it can hear it from you.

Yes, always speak the truth. Frankly, it is a lot easier than trying to remember to whom you made up what. But decide before you speak: is what I'm saying necessary and useful? Yes? Then you must say it; otherwise, you will have committed the sin of omission. This is a form of lying.

Now that you know you must say it, you must decide who needs the information. Then, will that person hear the information from you, or must it come from some other source?

Finally, assuming you are the right person to say it, think about how it will be received. Be sure your truth is told with mercy.

It will not be heard otherwise.

Are you busy sugarcoating your weaknesses?

Or building on your strengths?

Is there something you are afraid to try?

"Our doubts are traitors, and make us lose the good we oft might win by fearing to attempt."

(William Shakespeare)


Are your fears betraying you? What do you have to gain by trying something you'd like to do now, but doubt you can or should?

Which do you fear more: failure or criticism?

You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You must do the thing you think you cannot do. --Eleanor Roosevelt

What is it, right now, that you think you cannot do?

What is failure?

. . . the first step toward success. Watch here.

What do people learn from criticsm?

They learn that we're critics!


Who is the most recent person you criticized this week? What was your purpose?

Who do you want to criticize now? Think through your purpose before you say a word!

Feeling distracted?

Workers distracted by phone calls, emails, and text messages suffer a greater loss of IQ than a person smoking marijuana, according to a study involving over 80 clinical trials.

Is your time and attention controlled by technology or do you use technology to help you better manage your time and attention?

Study presented in http://edition.cnn.com/2005/WORLD/europe/04/22/text.iq/

photo source: digitphotos.com

Efficiency

Positive questioning leads to change initiatives

Click here to see an article about the Navy/Marines' use of "Appreciative Inquiry" to plan for the future.

Then let us know what you think:

1. are these the types of discussions you thought our military held (and note the discussion included all levels from seaman to Admiral)?
2. can you imagine your company using appreciative inquiry to plan for the future?

Appreciative inquiry: "the art and practice of asking questions that strengthen a system’s capacity to apprehend, anticipate, and heighten positive potential. It centrally involves the mobilization of inquiry through the crafting of the “unconditional positive question” often-involving hundreds or sometimes thousands of people." From: appreciativeinquiry.case.edu

Inspiring with constant communication and larger goal

Click on arrow to start video. Time: 0:03:31

What is confidence?

Has anyone ever told you to be more confident? Has anyone said you are overly confident? What did they mean? How do you define confidence?

Confidence is:

• Promoting oneself without putting others down
  
• Saying "no" without falling over oneself to explain and apologize yet still demonstrating empathy
  
• Maintaining composure when others criticize
  
• Taking credit or blame when due.

Do you agree with this description? If not, how do you define confidence? What might you add or change in this description?

Would you say you are confident?

The Marva Collins Way

How can we cultivate the seed of greatness in our children, our spouses, ourselves; in our direct reports, our colleagues, and those to whom we report?

Teams and families that ask questions together stay together!

Comparing high-performing to low-performing teams -- and families -- the higher performing teams used:

far more positive than negative interpersonal exchanges
(6 positive for every 1 negative)
&
more open-questions than closed position statements
(2 open questions for every 1 closed position statement).

Based on research by Marcial Losada and Barbara Fredrickson quoted in Eleanor Chin's blog in the Fall '09 UPenn course Positive Psychology